My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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