He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
not ubering you a puppy
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
