I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
