I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
