I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
