You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
