Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Randomize
