why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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