I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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