Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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