Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
