he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
