dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
