So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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