i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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