Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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