Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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