Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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