you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Randomize
