I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
