So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
