so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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