This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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