He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
