He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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