so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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