Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
