I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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