Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
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I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
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I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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