Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
