The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Randomize
