Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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