He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
