the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
