Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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