Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
