whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
