All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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