and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
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