there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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