who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
