I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Randomize
