GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
