we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
