btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
