she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Sober January is a disaster.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
