Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
