Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Randomize
