The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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