My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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