I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
