sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
