he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
