Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
