hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
