One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
