Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
