I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize