We're facebook friends in real life
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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