my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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