I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
