How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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