best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
