So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
