I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
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