can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
