Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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