Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
