Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
Randomize
