So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Randomize
