I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
