piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
