and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Randomize
