You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
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