Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
