Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He keeps bees of course he's weird
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
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