I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
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