You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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