i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
