So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
