The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
