8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
