Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text

  (214): View more from Texas

  I know you're alive

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  (214): Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text (214): I know you're alive http://tfl.nu/9ods
  Replies (8) Good night (1178) Bad night (2283)
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  (310): View more from California

  She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"

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  (310): She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane" http://tfl.nu/g45q
  Replies (7) Good night (2071) Bad night (799)
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  (302): View more from Delaware

  She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.

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  (302): She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god. http://tfl.nu/566r
  Replies (25) Good night (4958) Bad night (490)
• Favorite

  (718): View more from New York

  he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs

  (1-718): View more from New York

  I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.

  (718): View more from New York

  the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.

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  (718): he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs (1-718): I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious. (718): the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip. http://tfl.nu/dbxw
  Replies (31) Good night (733) Bad night (3721)
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  (931): View more from Tennessee

  my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.

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  (931): my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling. http://tfl.nu/ym3n
  Replies (66) Good night (27671) Bad night (1342)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'

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  (732): I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.' http://tfl.nu/iq97
  Replies (27) Good night (1468) Bad night (5172)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything

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  (801): No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything http://tfl.nu/rmdb
  Replies (5) Good night (4803) Bad night (992)
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  (574): View more from Indiana

  My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.

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  (574): My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever. http://tfl.nu/qus4
  Replies (1) Good night (1120) Bad night (487)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis

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  (703): that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis http://tfl.nu/car4
  Replies (7) Good night (1018) Bad night (426)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."

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  (214): I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum." http://tfl.nu/4ufr
  Replies (21) Good night (767) Bad night (546)
• Favorite

  (651): View more from Minnesota

  Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull

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  (651): Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull http://tfl.nu/fvhw
  Replies (2) Good night (579) Bad night (1038)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.

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  (902): I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom. http://tfl.nu/lro3
  Replies (1) Good night (410) Bad night (792)
• Favorite

  (956): View more from Texas

  I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.

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  (956): I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal. http://tfl.nu/q1bu
  Replies (3) Good night (821) Bad night (240)
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  (520): View more from Arizona

  I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.

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  (520): I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick. http://tfl.nu/pc6z
  Replies (0) Good night (179) Bad night (350)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight

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  (214): Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight http://tfl.nu/7wsd
  Replies (1) Good night (487) Bad night (182)

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