I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
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So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
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That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.