PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I bet he comes in French.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder