Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(917): View more from New York City

OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.

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(559): View more from California

She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.

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(727): View more from Florida

You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.

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Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(949): View more from California

Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.

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(314): View more from Missouri

pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.

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(203): View more from Connecticut

My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.

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(613): View more from Ontario

So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.

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