1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
