Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
